'A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.’ –Dalai Lama
What is the meaning of transparency?
It means openness, honesty and clarity. When someone is very sneaky and secretive you do not trust him as everything about him has an aura of mystery. When a person is frank and candid you believe in him. It is more so in married life.
When there are secrets in your life which your spouse does not know, it makes you uncertain and apprehensive about his\her reaction when he\she comes to know about it. When someone else brings it to his\her notice, there is a big show down and it also brings into your marriage distrust and suspicion.
Can’t I have anything personal?
Should I confess everything to him\her?
She\he never understands my problems and so I find it comfortable to hide it from him\her.
He\she is secretive and so I too feel like hiding things from him\her.
Married life is built on trust and honesty and these qualities are as important as love and care. When there is transparency in married life, it brings immense comfort to your interaction with your spouse and your love for each other matures to even deeper love.
What are the things you normally hide from your spouse?
Your past love life?
Your money matters and savings?
Your friendship with the opposite sex?
Your past life is your secret.
You might have a past love and feel uneasy about the reaction of your spouse when he\she knows about it. Will your confession ruin your marriage and bring in suspicion and mistrust into it? Your doubts are very natural and true.
What is the nature of your spouse? Is he\she understanding and a caring person? Do you feel that you are cheating him\her by not confessing your past life with him\her? If you are hundred percent confident of your spouse you can confess about your past and tell him\her that it is over and done with. You feel the burden of guilt lessening and your love for your spouse increases for his\her considerate reaction .
But if your spouse is basically suspicious by nature and over possessive, your confession about your past life might stir up a hornet’s nest. He\she becomes doubtful of your every action and he\she makes your life nightmarish by questioning your whereabouts, checking your mobile phones and also spying on your mild interaction with the opposite sex. It is better to hide your past if you feel your spouse will react in such a negative way and lead your present married life with honesty and transparency.
Money matters are hidden and concealed
Money has become a top marriage destroyer in recent times. Everyone wants money as it is a status symbol. But it is sad that couples vie with each other in hiding money matters. Husband hides his money dealings from his wife and wife hides hers from her husband.
Why this lack of transparency in money matters? The fault lies with both. You do not acknowledge that your spouse is an individual with her\his own personal whims and wishes. Your spouse might want to help her\his family, but when you interfere, she\he does not want to do it with your knowledge and hides it from you and keeps you in the dark.
You must accept that he\she has certain duties to fulfill and should not intrude into it. When you overlook and accept the money dealings of your spouse, he\she does it openly and you need not break your head about where the hard earned money of your spouse is draining away.
Too much of friendship
The world has become so modern that you find it easy to be overly friendly with your colleagues of opposite sex without the knowledge of your spouse. You never know that you are digging the grave for your marriage when you do it.
It is very natural to be friendly with your colleagues when you work together. That is how it should be, but when you become too friendly with your colleague and feel like confiding in him, you are cheating your spouse emotionally. Your friendship should not cross the line and your spouse should know about him\her.
When you talk for long hours in a low tone when at home with your colleague\friend, your spouse naturally feels doubtful. When you get a call from your colleague, talk in a normal tone in the presence of your spouse which makes it a true friendship. When the call is over you can casually inform your spouse what you talked about. This is transparency for you!
‘Life is filigree work. What is written clearly is not worth much, it's the transparency that counts.’- Louis- Ferdinand Celine
When you argue that you have your personal life to lead and your spouse must accept it, you are asking for trouble. You should be frank with your spouse and he\she should also be truthful to you and when your interaction is transparent, it gives your married life the much needed clarity and clearness.
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