Overcome fear of commitment and get the real benefit of relationships

Fear of commitment is like a cruel negative voice inside your head. It's constantly whispering to you about your choices. It might be about your relationship choices. Or it might even be about something as trivial as deciding which restaurant to go to. This fear is the bugbear of decision making in general. Why? Because it constantly ambushes you with a 'what if?'

Anxiety about the future and the 'what if?' question

Now at first sight the 'what if?' question looks useful. You are considering your options. 'Shall I get into a long term relationship with this person?', for example. That's a very big question, which will have a major impact on your life. It is only sensible to think through the implications of your choice. 'What if it doesn't work out?' 'What if I meet someone else?' But we're talking of a much more serious risk.

How you can get trapped by your worries about what will happen

You see, undue anxiety about how things will turn out actually locks you into an unending series of 'what if?' dilemmas. Whatever decisions you make in life, trivial or serious, there are alwaysconsequences you cannot possibly foresee, no matter how carefully you examine your options. You want to be sure, before you make your decision, that it is the right one. That's understandable, of course, but actually, it's simply impossible.

Overcoming fear and making good decisions

What is possible is to make the best decision that you can, having informed yourself as well as you can about the implications. When you are clear about the outcome you prefer, and what it will take to make that outcome more likely, you can go ahead and get on with your chosen course of action.

So making good decisions is really about being able to relax with uncertainty, with not being in control of absolutely everything. And overcoming fear of pledging yourself to a relationship, conquering that fear of commitment - or indeed any other major decision - will actually free you up to really make the most of the opportunities that life presents.

To your relation Bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Commitmentphobes - please read!

It's a strange thing MICHAEL, as you may have noticed, that sometimes we most fear what we most need - in case it doesn't work out.

The irony is that fear of commitment may mask a desperate desire for the intimacy and security that comes from a healthy long-term relationship.

It may be that, deep down, the person fears being rejected themselves or feels that the consequences of a future relationship breakdown will be all the worse the more time they invest in that relationship.

Maybe they have experienced feeling trapped in a relationship before or perhaps they have a history of painful breakups, of hurting and being hurt. Or they may have witnessed the rocky relationships of parents and have the 'blueprint' that 'no relationship ever works out'.

The next few blogs will dig into fear of commitment and what can be done about it.

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Commitment? Check. Commitment? Check. Commitment? Boom!

Oh how hard it is to escape the vicious cycle of insecurity in relationships.

Wanting to peg someone down too quickly to see whether they're 'committed' is like trying to insist cabin crew serve you their delicious vacuum-packed fare during take off. Give it a chance!

Telling someone you love them on the first date, planning your retirement together, or talking about 'us' and 'we' prematurely applies too much pressure and saps the spontaneity and fun from the early stages.

Having to 'know how they feel' may be fair enough down the line, but asking them too soon where they see this relationship going can make them feel like they're being interrogated in a job interview.

What to do: Hold off for a while until you know each other better. Everything that exists in our Universe, as far as I know, has a time scale - including love. Don't be too quick to establish yourselves as a longstanding couple when you've known each other just a few weeks.

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Is desperation for certainty ruining your relationship?

You know MICHAEL, I think overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: 'This relationship must be exactly as I think it should be!' is a form of over-control. A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong.

Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty.

Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible (complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever) is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts. So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply.

Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty. Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain.

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Is the past controlling your relationship's present?

MICHAEL he said, have you ever taken an instant disliking/liking to someone merely because they reminded you of someone else who you disliked/liked?

Some people do this with whole relationships.

Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.

If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one, then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner.

Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past.



To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Is the past controlling your relationship's present?

MICHAEL he said, have you ever taken an instant disliking/liking to someone merely because they reminded you of someone else who you disliked/liked?

Some people do this with whole relationships.

Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.

If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one, then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner.

Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past.


To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

Refuse the poison of perfectionism in your relationships

We all know that fairy tales in real life may not look like fairy tales as presented by Mr Disney.

Prince Charming may have a crooked nose, and your princess may have pigeon toes.

What am I wittering about? Being so fussy that you miss genuine relationship opportunities. I talked above about being too desperate, but it can work the other way. Expecting people to be perfect, then getting mad when their behaviour doesn't exactly accord with your imagination of how they should be is, frankly, nuts.

If people don't 'live up to' your self-made image of them, is that their fault? If you have too-tight parameters for how your love should be before you meet him or her, then you may be positioning yourself out of the market. Sure, there are things we all prefer, but some people are so specific:

"He must have green eyes (and two of them!)."

"He must wear designer jackets."

"He must have a body of a Greek god, the mind of Albert Schweitzer, and the car of a London financier."

"He must have a dollar-shaped beauty spot on his left buttock."

I kid you not; some people (usually younger people) cut off their own options to this extent.

They may defend this with: "Why should I accept anything less?!" But this misses the point that, so often, something can seem to have all the right 'parts', but when those parts are put together, you find they don't really work as well as expected.

What to do: Open your mind to the possibility that you could be mistaken in assuming you can only have a relationship with a person who fits exactly what you have imagined. And remember that you are having a relationship with a real-life person, not a phantasm of your own making.

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert) shares #Mikolinton cares

The oldest relationship mistake in the book?

I hope you like stories MICHAEL because there is an old Sufi tale that tells us a lot about a major relationship mistake.

It goes like this. Some villagers find an eagle, a bird they had never seen before. Because it was unfamiliar, they didn't feel it was like a 'real bird' at all. So they cut its beak, trimmed back its feathers, and clipped off its talons, at last deciding that now it looked like a 'proper bird'. Of course, it could no longer fly.

There you go, short and sweet, but rather profound I hope you agree.

Treating your new partner like a project that you need to work on, like something to 'improve', is disrespectful and can make the person feel like you don't appreciate them for who they are or even know them at all. Trying to get someone to wear more trendy clothes, go for the jobs you recommend, act how you think they should, begs the question: what did you see in this person to begin with?

What to do: Remember the story of the villagers and the eagle.

Dating someone new should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable. If you can monitor and influence your own behaviour during this 'getting to know' phase, then you have much more hope of getting to know whether you and they really will work together without needing to blame anyone if it doesn't work out.

Knowing what may be wrong can help us all understand more how to find what is right.

To your relationship Joy,

#Mark Tyrell (my senior relationship coach expert)  shares #Mikolinton cares

ADEOLA MUYIWA writes: MARTIN LUTHER - An Antinomian....

Let's take a voyage thru times to converse with great divines. I do know of puritans whose lives leave behind, marks of indellible graces. I read of the reformers who sailed against the drift of currents and tides. I sat side by side with Calvin, his theological offspring, John Gill and the prince of preachers, Charles Spurgeon. I also dined with WatchMan Nee, whose life was an emblem of the cross, I, in my spirit, shook hands with these great men, but then i discovered they all had something in common....

Justification had been, before Martin Luther heralded it. It was confined within the walls of Augustine's seminary'. even in the whirl wind of papacy, there was a gentle voice that uttered grace, with indecipherable tones, only caught in the ears of a monk. Upon the deluge of the revival of grace, upon the numerous writings of this great reformer, the present age of 'proudly ignorant', quoted Him out of context.....

Martin wrote, "Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong..." ( from Dr. Martin Luther's Saemmtliche Schriften, Letter No. 99, 1 Aug. 1521)...

It's proper to place such statements under serious scrutiny. But what's my point in all this. When u preach a non-fictitious grace, u must be ready to be concluded under antinomianism.

Martin used great metaphors and powerful hyperboles in His writing. That man was drowning helplessly in the waters of grace. With the same spirit, he wrote most of his treatises. Do u wanna know the greatest of saints whose beards were even devoted to God, meet the reformers and the puritans.

This was the continuation of that mischievously extracted text..

" but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides.."... This was the purport of martin's note, not for license. But rather to acknowledge how so great sinners we are, and how so great salvation we have received.

Have u read John Bunyan's Grace and Law, spurgeon's 'forgiveness, all of Grace, putting away of sin, Have u taken time to study John Knox and Gill's materials. When you re thru, then u can conclude, ALL GRACE PREACHERS ARE ANTINOMIANS.

What do they all have in common.....they preached Grace, wrote Grace, spoke Grace, lived Grace and Died in Grace. I hear someone say, These guys preached Holiness with Grace...I tell you, when they needed to preach holiness, they would rather preach Christ. Take a quick stroll on Andrew's Murrays books.

WatchMan dined with a family, and while praying, the couple mentioned, 'God give us patience'..what a humble prayer from teary eyes. WatchMan Nee after the prayer, reacted, ' I assure you, God will NEVER answer that prayer'. he has nothing left to offer than the Christ he has given the world. Christ in you is ur patience, He is your Love, He is your peace, He is your Holiness. This is whole essence of the grace message. That all the demands of God, are supplied in the Grace He freely gave.

You know wat?? Have no repentance for preaching grace in its undiluted form. Regard it not, when people call you an antinomian, smile over it when they say, you give license to sin. Nod your head in apparent agreement when they say, you are turned aside to the doctrines of the nicolatians.

This one thing I have in common with religion, I preach Holiness. The 'How' of our Holiness are two parallel lines. They tell you to work it out, I tell you to look on Him, who works it in you. The working out is not in your prayers and self-denials, it is in your constant gaze at that one Man. He is Christ. That's God's All. God has nothing else to give. Only Christ.

Let me say this, i need not append a footnote to my write-up that, "this isn't a license to sin", all i need tell u is, SIN MORE. it's a proof of who of u re. It only shows u re yet to taste the real grace that saves from sin. I am yet to see a believer who embraced grace as a way of Life, defeated constantly by sin. I do not pity a soul who sins less, yet sees no need for a saviour. I wud rather rejoice in a sinning soul who showed His need for a saviour.

I love the concluding part: Luther wrote:

"If you are a preacher of grace, then preach a true and not a fictitious grace; if grace is true, you must bear a true and not a fictitious sin. God does not save people who are only fictitious sinners. Do you think that the purchase price that was paid for the redemption of our sins by so great a Lamb is too small? Pray boldly—you too are a mighty sinner"

I'm tired of people trying to modify Grace, I have heard of several versions, that which mingles with the deadly mix of the Law; that which smells rancid; another which sours; i have heard of a kind that is not mighty to save, it needs the help of impotent man. I have also heard of a gospel that needs to be fine tuned, and sand-papered with our eloquence and grammar in order not to sound licentious.

My Life for this truth. I do not care much about this word, Grace. It means a lot to me because, Grace is Christ. Wen u take christ out of it, it becomes a five lettered word...

Live in this consciousness. There is nothing called HyperGrace. Grace must be 'hyper' to save. Grace is amazing, Grace is Hyper, Grace is super abundant, Grace is Free! Grace is excessive!! Call it anything. That makes it grace. but preach it right.

Luther was no antinomian!

Who do you always go for Mr / Ms wrong?

If you don't do this yourself FRIEND, I bet you know a friend who does.

But let's not get too blamey. Anyone can mistakenly get together with a 'psycho'. Early on, they may be all charm and attentiveness (and you may be conveniently averting your eyes from early telltale signs - such as 24-hour surveillance on your house).

So you can't always blame yourself for getting mixed up with the psycho, but feel free to blame yourself for:

* Staying with a psycho once the signs become obvious.

* Deliberately going for someone with 'dysfunctional features' that match characteristics of someone with whom you had a past destructive relationship and then later wondering where it all went wrong

Of the two points just covered, the first one is more forgivable (since I'm in a refreshingly judgemental mood), because it can feel harder to break free once you're in. But the second one?

What to do: If you're chronically pursuing mates (to use the National Geographic term) who are obviously flawed to the extent that relationships will be painful and doomed, then at least admit this to yourself and don't be surprised that 'relationships always go wrong'. Knowing your patterns is the first step to changing them.

Don't feel too bad if you do this, it's such a common mistake

And if it's a friend who does this, why not forward them the link?

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell #Mikolinton cares

The wrong sort of games in relationships

If you're a Seinfield fan FRIEND, you might know this line. I'll try not to misquote here, but one of the characters says to Seinfeld, "You shouldn't play games in relationships!" to which he replies, "What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?"

If we view too much of life through a competitive lens, we come to treat everything like a tussle, a chance to score points and get ahead.

Trying to make someone want you more by acting 'standoffish', ignoring them, or trying to make them jealous is, of course, all about manipulation. If a relationship starts off on a basis of game playing, don't expect any winners long-term.

What to do: If you want a good quality relationship, be honest and upfront so you can both 'win' together. And refuse to be drawn into their games if that's what they do. They'll stop soon enough when they realise you aren't playing.

To your relationship bliss,

#Mark Tyrell #Mikolinton cares

LIKKLE T Drops another Single - Beautiful People (Happy People)

Genre: afro Reggae

Title: Beautiful People (Happy People)


This is a song I recommend you start your days with. With this song, your motivation towards any movement or hustle shall be brought alive. Its a daily morning chune you can't afford to miss listening to before you step outta your shelter.


Trust me, this is an evergreen song composed and performed by Likkle Tee and produced by soulnexus, for working class hustlers (Bankers, civil workers, private workers, entrepreneurs, even the Gees)


Good songs unfolding, trust me.


Click here to download

ALERT!!! MIKOLINTON IS BACK AGAIN

Hello everyone, I am sorry that i have been off for a while now. I had different commitments. If you care to know, these were the things I was involved in during the course of this little break:

1) Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship (NCCF) State Conference

 I was at the National Secretariat of NCCF in Plateau State for about 4 days where i learnt and trained myself spiritually. For me, to be spiritually grounded is life. I was blessed by Bro Mohammad Jibril. Had a wonderful time in God';s presence. 

The theme? "Behold, I come Quickly". As a drama minister, I also was used by God to bless his children through the group ministration where i played the role of Pastor Tolu: A man who followed God all the way even after his youth service year. It was an impacting experience I must say.

2) Football Matches

I played two football matches. A home and away fixture against Dadinko FC. First leg ended 5 - 1 in favor of Jos North Football Team (my team). I scored 3 goals and made 2 assists I this match. Th e return leg ended 5 - 3 in favor of Dadinkowa Fc. 

It was an amazing match. I made an assist that led to a sumptuous goal. we were 4 goals down in first half. It took us time to understand the field because it was a seven aside field. In all, it was an amazing time.

3) Surfing Scholarship Positions and Reading articles for self development

I tried checking on different sites to get scholarship positions. I also invested some time in self development. 

That's how it has been. Am so sorry. 

And oohhh!!! I did't tell you, i had a twisted wrist from the matches. Consequently, I am on bandage at the moment.

You can like me enough to call or text or send chat messages to check up on me, i will appreciate.

Love you ALLL...